Good morning God. I’m awake at 4:00 am finding that I can’t sleep even though I know I must, given the day I have ahead.
In a few days the events of my life that have been a constant fixture for the past seven years will come full circle and believe it or not, I’m having anxiety and panic filled emotions about it. Even though I am confident of the results because of my faith and belief in God, as I sit here wondering what next. My mind is going 60 miles a minute thinking before my time.
I am a very strong person, a faithful believer in Jesus Christ, and in most cases, can handle whatever comes my way but honestly, speaking from my heart, I’m a little scared. I really don’t know what to expect when I reach my destination and face the enemy once again, but I know what God has already confirmed in my spirit. “No need to worry or fret. Be not afraid, for I am with you.” He has already worked this out. This is going to pass. I will have victory. Great will be my reward.
Now, I know all of this sounds strange because one can ask the question, “If you believe and have faith, why you’re scared and having anxiety and panic filled emotions?” And my answer to that is you got to remember, these are only emotions of what I’m feeling right now. It doesn’t mean this is who I am. Only what I’m feeling. Simply put, I’m human.
And in essence, it’s normal. But it’s not where I will stay. These feelings and emotions will change. I already know what this is since I already know what happens when you find yourself coming to the end of a journey and the enemy does all he can to trick you into believing what you’re seeing is what will be. He becomes your greatest adversary. He wants you to not believe in what he knows God already said will be. He wants to create negativity.
He wants to convince you that God has left you and is no longer with you. That you will fail. That you are weak and out of your vulnerability, you will lose your faith as he works to put fear in your heart.
But I’m not having it. I recognize when the enemy comes in like a flood in his attempt to kill, steal, and destroy, I must wage war against him. “The Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.”
God has allowed me to come too far by faith, to get over too many hills, too many mountains, and too many obstacles to leave me now. He has brought me through too many trials, too many tribulations, and too many circumstances for me not to believe just as he said, “this too shall pass.” That he is with me, right beside me, in front, and behind me. He won’t fail. Neither will I; with the Lord by my side.
But as I said, these are human emotions and simply what I’m feeling right now as of this moment at 4:00 am. And it’s normal.
Thank you, God for listening. Now I must find my way back to sleep at least for a little while.
Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”