I was looking for something the other day after dwelling in thought on God’s awesome wonder and came across another diary that hid my most intimate thoughts. I noticed that most of the writings were done at a time in the wee hours of the morning as I talked with God and expressed despair and hurt because of pain I had suffered as I found myself in a state of brokenness.
What surprised me was a statement I made where a voice called out to me between 1:00 am and 3:00 am in the morning as I distinctly heard someone call my name. I sat up, after dozing off and crying for what seemed like forever, and looked around the room only to find no one was there. A few seconds later, the voice called my name again and told me, “Trust me in all thy ways and all will be given unto you.” I was dazed and confused as I looked around the room only to find again that no one was there. But what I was certain of is that someone was trying to get my attention and needed to reassure me that everything was going to be alright.
Two hours later after falling asleep and waking up again, I began to talk to God and profess my troubles and the pain I felt because of the struggle I had with feeling abandoned at a critical time in my life. I had a hard time accepting a decision that drastically changed my life not understanding the depth of how it would impact my future. I told God I didn’t understand why this happened to me and asked him why I was going through what I clearly felt I didn’t deserve it. Little did I realize God would send people I call intercessors to confirm and reveal the very things he needed me to see and face in what seemed like a horrific tragedy, assuring me it would work out for a greater good.
I still couldn’t see it. Later that day I cried on my mother’s shoulder for what seemed like hours and all I could hear were these words, “Daughter, stand still and let God have control. God will never leave or forsake you and would never give you more than you can bear.” She reminded me of the strength God had given me in his strength to get through every struggle I faced even when I couldn’t see it. He knew how strong I was and that whatever he was taking me through would be for his good, for his purpose.
The following day I received further confirmation from a sister friend who revealed God had chosen me to perform a special work but in order to do so, he needed to get my attention in areas I may have not yet developed because I was focusing so much attention on a priority that should not have been a priority in the first place, forgetting to keep God as the priority. She told me, “God is trying to open your eyes to the fact that you must depend totally on Him for everything, be faithful in all you do, and go to him with a pure heart.”
I listened carefully to her and couldn’t help but express my confused state of mind and lack of understanding with the troubled circumstances I faced as it concerned my health, the loss of a job, and challenges because of life changes. She said, “Ask God for revelation to the things you struggle with in all areas of your life and he will show you what to do to bring clarity and closure.” She, too, reminded me that God knows how strong I am and as a child of God, he desires to strengthen me in areas where I’m weak and areas that I am blind that I may increase my faith in Him and develop a greater trust in him regardless of the troubles I faced.
The final revelation came when my cousin called and not only confirmed what my mother and sister friend said but added validation and affirmation to what God needed me to know. She said, “When God calls you or chooses you to do a work for him, it is not going to be easy. Many are called but few are chosen and you have been chosen. You have been highly favored.” All I could do was cry and at the same time thank her for the words of encouragement, inspiration, and revelation. I understood that God was speaking to me through them to reveal the plans he had for me. And in my dream, I now realize it was him calling me even though I couldn’t see anyone in the room, the small whisper was evidence.
I took their advice and took their words to heart. I made a commitment to God. I promised myself to seek God’s Word daily and faithfully, and to search my heart earnestly. Look to him and not to man for help, for my provision. And understand in the end, it would work for the greater good of those that are called by the Lord according to his purpose.
When it was all said and done, before the night was over, I prayed and asked God for these things specifically. I prayed for clarity. I asked that he give me a revelation to clear confusion. Speak to me that I may know how to better serve him. Although the pain was so deep and was fresh that hurt to the core, it would eventually fade away that I may delight in Him. I thanked him for listening. I fell asleep in peace.
And today, I am at peace. It may have taken me a long time to get it right. God is doing great things in my life. Now I understand just how much God loves me. I may have gone through what seemed like extreme troubled waters and a multitude of disasters which seemed like eternity. But God knew how he would fulfill his purpose through me. His plan was better. My life has taken a turn for the better. I am stronger, wiser, better.
While I couldn’t see the things my family and friends pointed out to me at that time, I learned God needed to be my priority all the time. I’m grateful for my afflictions because in the face of adversity, God would get the glory. I learned a valuable lesson and knew it was by God’s grace I’m still standing. I give God all the praise and glory!
I am grateful to God for godly women who counsel and provide spiritual advisement to get me on the right track. So that I may clearly understand God has my back. I’m canceling every assignment, putting all the plans, tricks, and devious ways of the enemy on a shelf. They will rot and dry out like dry bones because my God is a present help. In my times of trouble, he was there for me. Even in my brokenness when I couldn’t see. It was through my afflictions, God refined me in order that I may become a better person. He needed to bring me to a place, to rid me of all things that distracted me from the promise and his purpose. In the midst of my troubles when I thought he abandoned me and was not there. All the time he was there.
We are not perfect. God will perfect us. There is a purpose for everything God does. When we are helpless, God strengthens us. God will test us. Even in brokenness, He will refine us. Trials will come. We will face many. There will be testing in the face of adversity. Testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything (James 1:3-4).
Be grateful for your afflictions. It is not a curse. Consider it a blessing. It could have been worse. God’s purpose is his promise. Through testing, He will strengthen you in your affliction. God will remove your imperfections. God will refine you. You will become a better person. Serve Him with the gifts he created in you in spite of imperfections. God knows the plans he has for you. Persevere. He will reward you.
Be blessed! -JD
Psalm 66:10-12 “For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. 11 You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; 12 you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.” (ESV)
- The Purpose of Pain (mariafordministries.wordpress.com)
- Why Should We Be Grateful In Affliction? (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)