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Dear Absent Father from The Mother of A Daddyless Daughter….I Just Want To Say “Thank You And You’re Welcome!”

Dear Absent Father,

To My Daughter JoaynnI penned this letter to you, with my deepest regards, to surprisingly thank you for selfishly choosing to be an absent father.

When I look at my daughter every day and delight in how much she’s grown, I can’t help but thank God for the life she has successfully achieved being raised by a single parent. I made one of the best decisions ever. To nurture, guide, be there for her, and always love her.

As I think of the very moment I laid eyes on this precious human being, fell in love with her, saw so many parts of you in her reflection, there’s no denying she’s yours, I couldn’t imagine how great her life would be impacted when you chose not to be a part of, or truly acknowledged her existence. Thank you for leaving an innocent child that didn’t ask to come here, emancipating yourself from her life before and after she was born, to take care of your other children and freely live your life as a single man.

I prayed I could raise her to be an honorable, responsible, respectable, strong-willed, independent adult. Thanks to you I did, in spite of some tough challenges I faced without your help. And most of all, you don’t know what you did for me. Each and every challenge brought out the best in me. I found strength I didn’t realize I had enough of, to raise my daughter all by myself. Cheers to you! I’m grateful.

Thank you for contributing to what could have been a disaster to your “no father figure daddyless” daughter’s struggles with feelings of low self-esteem, self-worth, identity, and value. Good news! Thank God! It didn’t break her nor will it ultimately affect her life-long relationship choice in her future husband. Long talks, loving family support will continue to help her with that. She’s beautiful, confident, strong, and intelligent.

For times she would have looked up to and admired you for being a great father who set the example of what to look for in a man but had abandonment, trust, and betrayal issues, thank you for helping her learn what it took to persevere. She’s wiser, better. She chose not to look for love, acceptance, or validation in all the wrong places or searched for the identity the world thinks she lost, because of her absent father. Thank you. She’s an amazingly strong woman.

She decided on her own what not to look for in another man what she never saw in you, because of the example you didn’t set. She chose not to settle. She never ran into the arms of a man in search of a lack of affection to fill an empty void in her heart, because of one of the most precious gifts you decided not to give her; unconditional love. No worries. I took care of that for you.

Thank you for the times you didn’t call, write, or be there for her on special occasions or remembered her birthday, that could have burned a hole through her heart. You cannot even imagine how it may have negatively defined who she would become. No worries. I helped you out with that too, stepped in on your behalf, made up for your absence, and set the right example as best as I could as a mother. I am, and you too would be proud of her. No need to thank me for it. It’s on me. You can have this proud moment for free.

Hats off to you for the small, sporadic monthly child support checks each year you thought was enough to raise a child that could never cover the costs for food, shelter, medical expenses, or pay for one outfit or a pair of shoes each year she grew out of, but managed to walk a mile in to reach the place she is now.

Words cannot express how grateful we are to you for contributing to a debt that can never be repaid for anything I’ve done, because my unconditional love was free, and it didn’t cost a thing. Nor do you owe me or this precious being back pay for the gift of life, so don’t ever feel guilty. The glory belongs to God. We have God to thank for the free gift of life he gave her!

Thank you absent father, for making me one of the richest persons in the world for a debt you could never repay. Nurture, guidance, advice, forgiveness, structure, discipline, value, self-worth were all free.

And let me leave one last tip for you before I go, to show my gratitude of how much I appreciate you for not being that “involved, loving, caring father.” Pat yourself on the back for your biological contribution, but don’t wait until she become successful and accomplish all she dream or hope for, and try to claim your “undeserved” back pay for something you chose all your life to not be a part of. Just send a thoughtful card wishing her the best and tell her, “Thank You.” You’re welcome!

With love,

Signed ME, a proud single parent

-JD

Ruth 3:10 ‘And he said, “May you be blessed by the Lord, my daughter. You have made this last kindness greater than the first in that you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich.” (ESV)

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