As I sat in total darkness yesterday, I was in prayer and communion with God all day. Nothing was on, not the television or any other thing that could disturb me from hearing the voice of God. You see, I didn’t realize that there was something happening all week as I cried and poured my heart out to God. I cried and cried tears of confusion asking God to show me what it is I seem to be missing. I told him I felt as though my life is going nowhere and I felt helpless, worthless.
I told him how every day I must walk in humility. I have to humble myself before others even when I don’t feel like it, but must remind myself daily it is to bring Him glory. That in itself can be hard because humility will take you to a place you don’t want to go, but you will, and will cause you to insist on doing something you don’t want to do, but you will. It can be devastating when your mind is trying to convince you otherwise. Especially when you’re like me and are not used to the impact you encounter when things change. I don’t handle change well but know it is expected. However, when others have control and you only play a small role, it can be hard to humble yourself when you least expect it.
It was not until today I realized this month marked a significant turning point in my life. And for some reason the devil did all he could to remind me of it. I woke up from a dream that had me literally in tears. As I cried profusely, I told God, “I don’t know why I’m here in tears. I had a long talk with you just last night and thought everything was going to be alright.” I rested well and felt I would wake knowing it would all be alright. This dream reminded me of a time when I lost everything. It was a time where my life drastically changed. I felt like Job, only I lost my faith. I felt alone, defeated. I lost trust in everyone and everything. I couldn’t make sense of anything.
I have been through some things in my life but this was by far nothing I had ever experienced in my life. And with Satan attacking me at that time and this week from every side, he did everything to bring this devastating remembrance of time back to mind. I couldn’t get a grip of myself and my thoughts. I became weak. My flesh started rising up over my spirit. I needed help. I couldn’t do nothing but cry out to God to keep my flesh from taking captive of my spirit. I told him, “I need you God now more than ever.”
This has been a long week filled with immense struggles, heartache, and tears. Lord, I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I’ve cried this week and today as I have in my entire life in years. I know there’s a purpose, promise, and potential You have designed specifically for me.
The devil keeps trying to condemn and convince me into believing You are not there for me. And tell lies to make me believe You cannot use a wretch like me. The devil is a liar and the truth is not in him! I rebuke that spirit. Every day is a struggle God but I’m glad I have you in my life. Without you, I never would have made it. You are the bread of life.
God, come into my situation. Cover me. Use me. Remove all fears, distress, worries, heartache, and pain. Restore me back to the place I need to be in order to live freely again. Break every chain! Deliver me God and make me whole again. I come against every lying tongue and every trick of the enemy. Satan you have no authority over me. You can’t ever take what God has promised me. What God has for me is for me.
Some believe as Christians, we are to never get depressed. I beg to differ. We do but we must learn to not become bound by it and do our best to rebuke that spirit. For some, this may not be that easy. It may take a while and for others, it may require professional treatment. Nevertheless, please know it can happen to any given person on any given day. Do your best, with God’s help, to not get stuck when you find yourself feeling this way. Just because we are Christians we are not exempt. In fact, in many cases because we are Christians we aren’t exempt. Just one more trick of the adversary to cause destruction unnecessarily. No weapon formed against us shall prosper.
Satan will try and rob us of our joy, peace, and assurance in God. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy. We can’t give in to him. We are God’s property. The attack of the enemy starts in the mind. The devil will try to convince us that we are useless, unworthy to be used by God. He will condemn us, reinforcing feelings of fear, depression, guilt, and shame. The Holy Spirit will deliver us from these things.
When you’re stagnated, feel stuck, like nothing’s happening or going right in your life. God’s calling your attention to something. Move towards the light. Be assured of this; the Holy Spirit does not convict us, the believer, of sins or a multitude of sins. It convicts us the believer of righteousness in Christ. Take joy in knowing this.
Job was a perfect example. He lost everything in the first of Satan’s tests; his possessions, his family, his wife, his children. He passed the tests. He reacted rightly towards God. He acknowledged God’s sovereign authority over everything God had given him. He may have grieved but he never lost his faith in Him. He loved God for who he is and not what he gives (Book of Job). We are to do the same, just as Job did.
When you face the greatest opposition, you’re close to victory. The enemy fights the hardest to keep God from opening that door. You’ve got the victory. It is said when you face the toughest battles, the greatest breakthrough is on the way. The devil may try to stop it. Believe. It’s settled. It’s on the way!
Me: Shouting glory!!
Be blessed! –JD
Job 5:17-27 “Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. 18 For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.19 From six calamities he will rescue you; in seven no harm will touch you.20 In famine he will deliver you from death, and in battle from the stroke of the sword.21 You will be protected from the lash of the tongue, and need not fear when destruction comes.22 You will laugh at destruction and famine, and need not fear the wild animals.23 For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field, and the wild animals will be at peace with you.24 You will know that your tent is secure; you will take stock of your property and find nothing missing.25 You will know that your children will be many, and your descendants like the grass of the earth.26 You will come to the grave in full vigor, like sheaves gathered in season.27 “We have examined this, and it is true. So hear it and apply it to yourself.”